Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Randomize
