just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
