I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
