But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
