You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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