I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
