I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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