508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
