My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
