I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
