so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
