she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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