Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
