the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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