I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
