we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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