We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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