haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
