He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
