You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
