why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
