He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
