ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
God I need to hump something, right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
