Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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