It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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