we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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