Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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