dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
either way he was missing a nipple.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Randomize
