i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
