I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
