sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
