I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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