Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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