3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
