Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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