I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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