no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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