i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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