dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Randomize
