made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
