Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
