I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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