So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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