Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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