i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
