I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
