You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
