It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
