After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
