i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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