my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
