Kiss
Puke
I want to make a zoo with you.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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